Vision Boards Revisited

Without a doubt, the blogs I have written about vision boards are the most popular and the most visited. That is not surprising, considering most of us have a "vision" (whether it is expressed or not) of what we want to manifest in our future. It's what "The Secret" was about -- visualizing what you want.

Looking at my most recent vision board created in January 2011, I am seeing that at least two of my visions have become a reality, or nearly so, at any rate. The first one is a desk. I clipped a photo of a pretty little desk by a window. I had not had my own desk to write on since college and I thought it would be nice to have one. I "put it out to the universe" to provide me with a desk and then completely forgot about it.

Lo and behold, one morning, sometime over the summer, my husband comes running into the house with the news that my neighbor was selling her old desk. My husband thought it would be the perfect size for a little nook in our bedroom beside a window. Sure enough, I ran over to my neighbor's house and fell in love with a cute little desk that her father had made for her years ago. A couple of coats of paint later, the desk, where I am sitting now, has a lovely, sunny spot by my window and is one of my favorite places to write and think. Shabby chic!

I also have a picture of a woman standing by the Grand Canyon on this year's vision board. I had been to the GC many years ago (in 1983, after I graduated college, to be exact). During that first visit long ago, it was late winter and a very blustery day in the canyon. In fact, where we were staying in Flagstaff, AZ, was knee deep in snow!

Again, I clipped the picture of the woman standing on the colorful rim of the GC, smacked it on my vision board in January and forgot about it. About a month or two ago, my husband and I were thinking about where to go for spring break next year. Voila! After brainstorming and using the process of elimination (i.e. what could we afford, what would be fairly easy with an eight year old in tow), the Grand Canyon was our top choice. Promptly I made reservations -- and a few of our top choices to stay were already filling up for that same time. But we got into one. So next spring we plan on visiting the grandest of canyons as well as Sedona, Arizona.

I can see that my concrete pictures are giving me more of what I want than abstract ideas. For instance, my dream of dreams is to earn a living through creative writing, and I have phrases like "Mind Over Money" scattered around my vision board. (My few published poems have earned me zero dollars. LOL!) Though I am earning more now from my substitute teaching than in previous years, to say I have made a living by being creative is simply not happening...right now, at least. I need to find a better picture to represent that dream -- say a woman rolling in dough (the green kind, not the cookie kind) as she sits blissfully at a computer...I must state, too, that we have to work at making our dreams come true. I love that famous line "luck is preparedness meeting opportunity." That's why I'm taking more time to write these days. I can't make excuses forever!

The year is not over, yet, and who knows? My advice, though, is to find pictures that are as clearly representative of what you want as possible. As I mentioned to my friends on Face Book, one of my new goals is to visit Rome, Italy and see the locations from the glorious film, "Roman Holiday." (Did you guys think I was kidding? Well, I am totally serious!) I have been to London and Paris, but never Italy. I will definitely scout magazines for a picture of a woman by the Trevi fountain for 2012! (I should mention that a few years ago a dear high school friend of mine was in Rome and threw a coin in the Trevi Fountain "with your name on it," as he wrote to me. I have never fogotten his kind gesture; I hope to see "my" coin in the not so far future!Thanks PK!)

I once read of a prominent woman writer who wanted to live in New York City. She was living on a less than modest income in the Midwest at the time. What did she do? She clipped pictures of the Big Apple, started eating bagels for breakfast (I kid you not!) and listened to Broadway musicals. All the while, writing and working hard to make connections in her dream city. Within a year of her New York City sensory overload, she was living in...drum roll, please...NYC. She described her move as no less than miraculous as the perfect opportunity to live in NYC presented itself to her. Not only did she use pictures, but also she used her taste buds and ears to manifest her dream.

I hope my cappuccino this morning brings me one step closer to Rome...Now, where did I put that Pavarotti CD?

P.S. If you have had success with a vision board, please leave me a comment. I would love to hear from my readers! Ciao!

The Secret Garden

Women need their own secret garden.

Lately I have been stressed out. A little more than usual. The reason is simple, and part of every woman's daily existence: too much to do and too little time to do it. Recently, there was a story on the national news about how the average woman is considered to be more stressed out than an air traffic controller! Juggling family, career, chores, and just the routines of life have made women...have made me...crazy. Usually, I am pretty good about not over scheduling myself. Oh well.

Just the other night, in fact, I couldn't sleep because I had so many "to dos" on my list. Tossing and turning the night away, I finally took some deep breaths and gave myself a mini wake up call: my worries are not life or death. How much I volunteer at my daughter's school, or the hour I need to go to the dentist, or how much money I earn by working part time, are not major life issues. I made myself take a long, hard, look however, at how I can find time to not only unwind and relax, but also how I can use my time wisely to fulfill some important goals. I truly believe that Time -- with a capital T -- is life's greatest luxury.

I have been thinking a lot about a whole genre of books relating to the woman's journey and how to emulate that experience at home. Books like Eat Pray Love or Without Reservations chronicle the woman's sojourn into foreign lands in search of adventure and self. It's a truth that when we are at home, with all of our "musts" and "to dos" we can get easily side tracked as to what is important to us. Our core beliefs get pushed aside because we have to clean bathrooms, wash dishes, cook dinner and fold a ton of laundry. Aside from seeing wonderful sites, quality travel gives us Time to think about our lives. Who doesn't long for that life altering epiphany while strolling under the chestnut trees that line the Champs Elysees or floating on a Venetian gondola?

I wish I could take a month or two to walk down ancient cobble-stoned streets so that I could once again hear that small inner voice that leads to my deepest heartfelt goals and desires. But alas, now is not the right time for me to take such a trip. Nor is it feasible for the majority of women. That's why I love to read about other women's travels! (Now on my to read shelf is All Over the Map about a divorced woman (Laura Fraser, a travel writer) who gets over a romance gone sour by visiting Argentina, Peru, Naples and Paris.)

The common denominator for these women, as you might guess, is that none of them has...drum roll please...little children.

Where does that leave us ladies with small children in tow? I think the answer lies in our own backyard, literally. If nothing else, every woman should have a "secret" garden where she spends some reflective time as often as humanely possible. After my sleepless night last week, I gave myself license to sit in my backyard the next day while my daughter was at school. I set up a nice table cloth and made myself a cup of coffee. I just sat, breathed deeply, and listened to the wind. I watched the birds, squirrels, and lizards. Without spending a dime, I let time pass without feeling I had to "do" anything or help anyone. It was a precious, selfish hour well spent!

If you don't have a garden, find a patio, or a nearby park with a little bench. In Europe parks are everywhere, some expansive, others are just itsy bitsy square patches of grass with benches. Yesterday, I saw a story about the Berkeley Hotel in Knightsbridge, London that has a secret garden on its rooftop spa. (See picture.) It has a topiary, lavender, and birch trees. The promotional picture also shows a well-stocked picnic basket. I also love how they have a pheasant sculpture and a pretend peacock. This garden doesn't take itself too seriously!

The hotel's garden has a rustic British countryside feel. It doesn't seem to me that it would be hard to recreate those elements in a typical Santa Clarita backyard. All we need is a little inspiration.

It's not a trip to Europe, but it is a start to create a small space to retire to with a book and a glass of wine. A place to daydream as well as live in the moment. For me, my garden is my pretend European vacation.

Thank goodness I have a vivid imagination! Bon Voyage!

It's Hot

It is quite a challenge to cool off these days.

Maybe because it has been nearly (or over) 100 degrees for the past, umm, four weeks?
How do we survive in a civilized manner in this heat?

The best solution I can offer anyone is to slow down. I think slowing down has been my answer of choice for just about all of life's dilemmas, but it definitely works now. This is the time to catch up on reading, sip iced tea, and make a list of some indoor museums you might like to visit in the very near future...say tomorrow. Many ladies I know love scrapbooking. I can't think of a better time to work on a scrapbook than when it is searingly hot outside.

Hey, that is why I am writing right now. My son and daughter are home from school and they are watching a movie. I have been totally remiss in writing my blog these past few months (no excuses) and find that staying indoors is the only option for me. Besides, it's a health concern, too. Especially for little ones, who are prone to suffer from heat exhaustion.

Now the drink of choice in our house during a heat wave is iced tea. A friend and I are partial to the Southern Blend iced tea at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. It has a hint of rose in it, and I'll admit, drinking tea and roses is very appealing to me! My friend loves the teeny tiny ice cubes that the tea comes in. At home, however, I take basic black tea (two bags), add about two tablespoons of raw sugar, enough hot water to fill up a standard glass pitcher, stir, let the tea steep for 20 minutes, remove the tea bags, and then chill. Sometimes I'll switch it up and use Stash's "Moroccan Mint" -- it's a green tea. Very easy, cost effective and tasty. My husband swears by my iced tea over anything bought at Starbucks or Coffee Bean. We also have mint in our backyard, so if I'm feeling really swanky that day, I will add a few sprigs of fresh mint to the mix.

I think adding a sprig of mint adds to the aesthetic value of iced tea, as well. A pretty glass of iced tea while reading a classic novel is a great way to spend an afternoon. Currently, I am reading To Kill A Mockingbird. I have never lived in the south, but those people I know who have tell me the summer humidity is unbearable. I worked with several people from Louisiana many years ago, and the one thing they told me over and over again was that Southerners know how to slow down when it's hot outside. They have no choice. I think slowing down is almost an art form.

Don't ask me why, but along with making a pitcher of iced tea today, I also cooked up a batch of split pea soup. Oh well, I guess I figure that soup can be comfort food in any weather!

Stay cool!

Just Walk Around

Ahhh. Summer. I am so happy to have more TIME to relax and enjoy the great outdoors. Like the mall, for instance.

Today I had a little free time to kill while my daughter was at day camp. Walking leisurely through the outdoor mall near my home, I happened to hear a young man (probably about 10 or 11 years old) say to his mom, "What are we going to do the rest of the time, just walk around?" Clearly, through the young man's perturbed intonation, the prospect of "just" walking around was not a good one.

I started to think about how much I love to just walk around. I also think it's important for young people, especially, (who are often in front of computers, TVs, or at planned activities) to take some time and just meander once in awhile. Have no set plan or destination. Just walk and see what you might find. Even here in Valencia, California, the epitome of suburbia, there are great sights to behold (some of the time, anyway).

Last week, for instance, while walking to pick up my daughter from school, I saw the most adorable baby hawk. His feathers were soft, fluffy and white; he almost looked like an owl. He was standing on a wall at eye level, close enough to touch. His nest, however, was tucked in between two big branches high in a tree. At my daughter's school, I told some others about the hawklet (is there such a word? I don't know, but I like it), so a bunch of us went to see the baby. Sure enough, the cute little guy was still there, although a bit scared at all the human attention he was receiving.

That same night, I took yet another walk to the park with my family. The setting sun was particularly large that evening and made a beautiful red and orange light show for us. I was greatly rewarded that day for my walking efforts.

When I was child, my parents loved to "window shop" along Beverly Boulevard in West Hollywood. Beverly Blvd. had elegant furniture stores in those days,and on Sundays we would be the only ones on the street. We would gaze in the windows and imagine how lovely this or that sofa would look in our humble apartment. All the stores were closed. The street was quiet, and kind of lonely, but now that I look back, it was pretty special to be walking around with my parents for no other reason than to appreciate nice things. We couldn't afford anything in those snazzy windows, but that didn't matter. The best part was that after we walked around for an hour or two, we would get hungry and go out to eat.

If working up an appetite isn't reason enough to walk around for the sake of it, than nothing is!

A friend of mine is going to New York City for the first time this summer. She asked me for suggestions on what to do. I said, after screaming in excitement when I first heard the news, that she should spend a lot of time "just walking." Just walking in Central Park or along Fifth Avenue could be the highlight of any trip to NYC! The same can be said for Europe. What I wouldn't give to "just walk" around London or Paris or Florence!

What I like about walking, really, is that it uses all the senses (even taste, if you are walking to get food). You have to be aware of your surroundings. You have to look right and look left. You have to listen. If there is a blossoming rose, then you have to smell it. Some flowers and plants are meant to be touched (others, not, especially if you are walking in the desert!). Perhaps it is a primal activity that hearkens back to our caveman/cave woman days when we had to forage for food. With so many modern conveniences at our disposal, having to be aware of our surroundings keeps our survival mode intact.

It's summer. Time to put on your comfortable sandals and just walk. Even if it means window shopping for furniture or clothes.

In the Moment

This morning I watched an elderly couple eat breakfast. Wow! Things are really exciting in Cheryl's life, you might say! Snore city. But wait...

I watched them "live in the moment," so to speak. I was alone at my favorite local hangout, The Corner Bakery, eating my old-fashioned oatmeal with toast and coffee. All around me were people coming and going, talking, chewing and hurrying about. A few tables down, however, this couple sat calmly enjoying their breakfast (also oatmeal -- we are kindred spirits in the oatmeal department). The woman, well-groomed and tiny, often set her spoon down in between bites. Several people ate their much larger breakfasts and left the restaurant in the time it took these two seniors to finish their food.

It is a well known fact that not only do people eat less when they eat slowly, but they also enjoy what they eat more. "Savor" is the word I'm looking for. But it is not just about food. Too often we rush through life and forget to savor the moment. Admittedly, I am terribly guilty of this misdemeanor, as I rush from one appointment to another. I try not to overbook my day, and leave gaps between my plans, but often my best intentions run amok. Case in point: I love to write, but these past few months have been so incredibly hectic, I haven't allowed myself the time to sit down and scribble a bit. When I haven't been busy working, volunteering, shopping, house cleaning, or spending time with my family, I have been too tired to do anything but open my book of Sudoku and veg out.

Another confession: often when I am alone all I can think about is the future -- all the things I want to do (write a book), the places I want to visit (you name it), the furniture I want to buy (a sofa and a hutch). Quite honestly, I forget to notice how nice a day it is outside, or how lucky I am to live in a place where I can take long walks amidst trees and sunshine, or even have the precious time to be able to walk at all!

This couple, innocently taking their time to enjoy their breakfast (and each other--did I mention that he took some vitamins out of his pocket and offered one to her--isn't that adorable?) while the world whizzed around them, inspired me to begin writing anew. To take my time and enjoy the moment, as I am now, and do what I love to do. Just me and my lap top.

Outside the wind is kicking up. I love the sound the wind makes as it tosses the leaves to and fro. My window jostles a little, too. In the distance, a train passes by, blows its horn. My son, back home from college, is asleep in his newly-decorated man cave. My daughter is at school. A few stuffed animals are strewn on my bed. The laundry needs to be done, I need to return movies to Blockbuster, fill up the gas tank, pick up something for dinner, etc... My hair is a mess, as usual. Life is good in this itty bitty moment.

Enjoy your day!

The Royal Wedding

This is going to be a VERY brief blog, but I couldn't help but comment on the Royal Wedding -- considering my blog is about women and their castles!

Wasn't the wedding magnificent? Splendid, enchanting, gorgeous, sumptuous, etc.? I even loved the trees lining Westminster Abbey. As one commentator said, the way the trees rose to the sky echoed the buttresses of the ancient building. Wow. And yes, I woke up at 1 am (even though I had to work that day) to see the big event. Watching on my flat screen TV, I felt as if I were there, minus the hat.

Princess Kate has won Prince William's heart, and I must admit, she's won over mine, as well. Independent, intelligent, beautiful, and so self-assured it is almost scary. I mean, the whole world has been watching her every move these past few months, and she hasn't made even one faux pas. She has been compared to Grace Kelly, that other commoner who married into royalty. Which makes me think that we are all capable of being princesses if we hold our posture erect, look great in photographs, and never curse or let our hair down in public!

One thing I just have to mention, though...I was watching a documentary about the wedding, and I was amazed to hear that many, many years ago, before Kate ever knew William, she had cut out a picture of him and hung it on her wall. She was fascinated by him, and wanted to meet him. This is the ULTIMATE vision board!!! (Remember I blogged about vision boards in January?) So how many of you are now furiously flipping through magazines hunting for future kings of England???

Unfortunately, I have many things to do in my teeny weeny castle right now -- including clean the unroyal bathrooms and fold the servant's laundry. I will write more later on the royal couple who are practically perfect. I mean I could go on for days about The Dress!

(By the way, after I clean said bathrooms, I am going to prepare myself a spot of tea!)

Elizabeth Taylor

Glamorous Elizabeth Taylor recently passed away at 79 years old. She has been hailed as the last great movie star...also, she has been known as a humanitarian and a champion for AIDS research. According to many accounts, she was the type of person who stood by her friends no matter what. Surprise, surprise, she was also a mom to four children (two boys and two girls)! She also converted to Judaism in 1959. Oh yeah!

Elizabeth Taylor was known and appreciated for her breathtaking beauty and acting talent. She won two Oscars. I will never forget her in A Place in the Sun with co-star Montgomery Clift. What a pair! It is part love story, part murder mystery, part American classic. She exuded a dangerous sexuality even at the ripe age of 17 years old! I read once that Clift and Taylor fell in a platonic sort of love during that movie. Clift, who was bisexual, had conflicting feelings about men and women. Though they were never lovers, they remained close friends for life.

My daughter is a big fan of Elizabeth in National Velvet. Throughout the movie, Elizabeth plays Velvet Brown, a young girl who believes in the ability of her horse "Pie" so much, she disguises herself and pretends to be a (male!) jockey to ride in the "Nationals". I swear that in almost every scene, a 12 year old Elizabeth has tears in her eyes. She is so full of love and passion for her horse that it is contagious. I won't tell my daughter, however, that after the film was completed, Elizabeth was given "The Pie" as a birthday present. That is since my daughter is campaigning for a horse of her own...

Elizabeth was known for her passions...food and men being among the top two! (And who can blame her?) She married eight times, and twice to actor Richard Burton. Burton called her "an erotic legend...whose breasts would topple empires." Awesome! She loved diamonds and red lipstick. I once read that her favorite roses were lavender ones, because they matched her famous violet eyes. (Since my eyes are brown, I am thinking that the only flower that would match mine would be a dead one! Okay, so chocolate would match my eyes...that is an even trade!)

She even created her own perfume, "White Diamonds." I couldn't help but sample some of White Diamonds recently when I was at the perfume counter. The perfume starts strong and almost takes your breath away. After a bit, though, it softens and smells paradoxically clean and luscious. My curiosity piqued, I went online to see what other women thought about White Diamonds, and most were very positive about it -- often receiving compliments from men and women. Sold on the scent, I went back and bought a small bottle of the eau de toilette. I must admit that I have not been disappointed with it. In fact, I love it! It is a little old fashioned, but brazen, soft and sensuous. I think it is also fun channeling Elizabeth into my own life in a small way.

Talent, beauty, perfume, and a lust for life aside, people love Elizabeth Taylor (and all of the GREAT movie stars for that matter) because of their larger than life quality. Metaphorically speaking, movie stars embody the hero's -- ahem, heroine's --journey for truth, happiness and beauty. There is no doubt that Elizabeth led the life of a goddess. But she was human, too. A great-grandma, even! In the end, like any mortal, she was scared. Her friend, Debbie Reynolds (who forgave Elizabeth for stealing Reynold's husband away from her!) said Elizabeth "expressed how scary it was, when you can see that it's perhaps the end, to find a way to leave this world and go on to the next." In fact, Elizabeth had her bedroom redecorated recently, hoping that she would not succumb and would return home.

When she died, she was neither a glamorous movie star nor a goddess. She was surrounded by her children. She was a mom. Alright, then, a very, very famous mom.

Spring and Body Image

Spring is here (almost). My garden is a hubbub of activity, with birds chirping, bees buzzing, lizards scurrying and squirrels mating. I am looking forward to planting basil and lavender, various flowers, and perhaps a tomato plant or two. Last year, I planted a cherry tomato plant that grew like Jack in the Beanstalk. Literally, every day that thing was a foot taller!

I know, however, that for most women spring brings with it a mixed bag of feelings. There is a sense of optimism and anticipation that both longer days and warm temperatures bring. We get an urge to clean our house to the nth degree. Sweep away those spider webs! Wipe down those dusty drawers! We want to freshen up our closets, too, and buy a pretty dress or blouse. But most of all, come springtime, I know a mild sort of panic overtakes many women. For spring means there are only three months until summer. That means the cruel, evil, terrifying monster known as the BATHING SUIT comes out of hibernation. And with the demon bathing suit, we must reveal to the world what we've got. For many of us, this is a daunting thought. With spring, we suddenly find ourselves in a summer slim-down frenzy. I've been there, done that.

A few months ago I read Portia De Rossi's book, Unbearable Lightness, chronicling her behemoth struggle with anorexia and bulimia. She became so obsessed with her weight, for example, that one day after chewing a piece of gum, she started running crazily through a parking lot to burn off the "extra" calories. Basically, she lived off of a few bites of tuna, cigarettes, and butter spray. But Portia was one of the lucky ones. Finally, on the brink of self-destruction, she got a wake up call from her doctor, and began the climb back up to normal eating habits. She had a helpful girlfriend (this is her pre-Ellen days) who showed her how to eat when she was hungry, and stop when she was full. A simple concept when you think of it, but not so easy to embrace after years of self-imposed starvation. During her recovery, Portia discovered her set point weight that was a little more than she wanted, but she learned to accept it. Reading this book is like descending into a deep abyss. Portia isolated herself from friends, family, fun and food in order to achieve the thinness she believed would bring her happiness and success as an actress. Eventually, she awoke from this nightmare and accepted herself (and that included her sexuality, as well).

I know I will never be "skinny". Especially now, at 50 years old, as my metabolism has slowed down and I need to eat less and exercise more just to maintain my weight. There is always that extra ten pounds that seem to linger on my hips, as if to say, "Nah, nah, you can't get me!" This spring I have decided to take a different approach, however. I am using reverse psychology on myself by spending more of my energy simply appreciating what I have, rather than worrying about what I wish I looked like. You can't imagine how much time that frees up! Now, that doesn't mean I'm going to go cupcake crazy, either ('cause I love the cute little guys), or throw caution to the wind. My plan is to eat healthy, watch portion control, and exercise. I am opting for health and balance over anxiety and despair. We will see where that takes me and my shape! I will let you know!

I'll admit that I have yet to go swimsuit shopping this season! But I DO know that with all the suffering going on in the world, I feel it is more important to be grateful for what I have, even with my imperfections. In times like these, we have to keep our minor flaws in perspective. After all, spring is the epitome of abundance, beauty and awakening. Take care and enjoy the moment!

To Set Goals or Not to Set Goals...

Goals scare me. For some reason, the minute I set a big goal, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've bitten off more than I can chew. So let me clarify this: I used to set big goals, but not anymore. Nowadays, I set bite sized goals and go from there.

For instance, this blog was a little itty bitty goal about two years ago. I started with a blog once a month or so. Then I stopped. Completely. Then I decided last year to try and blog "more often." That was my so called "big goal." It worked, because I did write a little more consistently than the previous year. Somewhere in the middle of last year I realized that I really enjoyed this blog stuff, and I increased my output. By and large, I try to write once a week now, give or take. Some months are more hectic than others. I don't stress about not writing. I know deep down I'll make up for the lost time. I guess I'm more relaxed about blogging now because I conquered my fear of actually achieving my goal! Am I too complicated? Probably. But I am not alone.

About a month ago I was watching the TV show, What Not To Wear. I'm not a big TV watcher, but I stumbled upon this episode and felt instant kismet with that week's makeover subject. Her name was Angie, and she was a young mother who had met two HUGE goals: she lost 35 pounds and quit smoking! Yay, Angie! However, Angie was in a dilemma. Her clothes, her hair, her whole style was off. She couldn't figure out what to do. Here she had conquered two mega goals, and she was at a loss about what next to do with herself.

Quite simply, Angie had post goal traumatic stress syndrome (a new term I've invented for this blog) or PGTS. PGTS happens when a person meets (or exceeds) her initial goal and then freaks out. Angie's problem was that prior to meeting her goals, she was a party girl with a fun social life. That social life entailed playing pool, eating, drinking and you guessed it, smoking. Because she was a young mom, she finally realized that her party life was not healthy, and she wanted to make better choices and to be a better person. Awesome! But when she reached her goals, she missed her old party self. She mourned the life that the old party Angie had, even though she knew inside that she was doing the right thing.

Throughout the show, hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly brought up the idea that Angie was dressing like a "sad mommy" and kept her old clothes because she was afraid to let go of her old fun loving self. Angie wept, too, saying "I don't know who I am." Meeting her goals had put Angie in PGTS because she felt a loss of identity. I'm sure many women can relate to Angie's story in one way or another. When our lives transition from one "role" (party girl to mom, or single woman to married, married woman to divorced, or stay-at-home mom to working woman) it is normal to feel sadness. In Angie's case, even losing weight and a bad habit created havoc in her equilibrium. Like I mentioned earlier, meeting goals scares me and now I know why: because it heralds change. And change, albeit a good thing most of the time, is scary!

How did Angie transcend her sad mommy exterior? With the right hair style (shorter, darker), makeup (more of it) and new, hip clothes that reflected a "happy, successful" mom. Certainly, Angie had to step up to the plate and decide that she was ready to embody her pretty exterior. She could go out and have fun, work at an office, and still be a wonderful mom. Many times our outer self -- how we look -- has to express what we are not quite ready to feel inside. If we dress or act the part, sooner or later, our fears and/or doubts subside and we can transform into the butterfly we are meant to be.

Still, goals scare me. But then again, what would life be without them? And being afraid of accomplishing things is no excuse not to pursue our dreams and desires. I'm hoping the "new" Angie has mourned her old self and taken firm root in her healthier, more stable self. I found a lot of inspiration from her story. The cautionary tale is there, though: be ready to accept the goals you achieve, and be especially willing to enjoy your victories!

What works for me is making step-by-step goals so I can enjoy mini-wins along the way. Didn't someone (who I don't know) say it is the journey that counts more than arriving at the destination?

Now go ahead and make those goals and enjoy the climb!!!

The Anti-Romance Romance

Earlier this week I wrote about some of our favorite love stories. By and large, these heart warming tales revolve around the "boy meets girl" plot. Usually, this plot involves the reconciliation of differences between the main characters as they begin their journey into a meaningful long term relationship. Usually, the protagonists don't like each other in the beginning, but soon enough they realize they are soul-mates.

But what happens after the credits roll and the sweethearts drive off into the sunset? I'll tell you: real life. Life with all of its disappointments, mistakes, miscommunication, highs, lows and inbetweens. Even if our first dates, weddings and/or early experiences with our sweeties might be considered romantic, it is the stuff of everyday living that challenges even the most romantic of us.

Yesterday I watched (for the fourth? fifth? time) one of my favorite films, The Painted Veil, with Edward Norton as Dr. Walter Fane, a microbiologist, and Naomi Watts as his wife, Kitty Fane. The film, based on the book by W. Somerset Maugham, takes place in Colonial-era (1920s) China, as the two British newlyweds battle adultery, disease and disappointment. This film is not "pretty" like Letters to Juliet, for example. Though I consider Veil's location to be splendid and dramatic, it is not comparable to the lush Italian countryside of Juliet, nor are the main characters as innocent and beautiful.

As I was watching this film, I thought of it as an "anti-romance" romance. Like anti-heroes who are sympathetic despite major character flaws (i.e. Scarlett O'Hara and many of Clint Eastwood's roles, especially Dirty Harry) Veil finds its romance AFTER the characters have been married and hit rock bottom. I don't want to give away too much, but the Fanes find redemption through self-sacrifice and forgiveness. For some reason, every time I watch this movie I feel more loving and forgiving.

Fluffy chick flicks often depict the mere falling in love as the end result. Hey, I love chick flicks like any warm blooded woman does, but as we all know, the early days of love are the easy ones! It is the bumpy journey that love takes us on that is the real deal. I am also reading Joel Osteen's book, Become a Better You. Coincidentally, last night after watching Veil, I started the chapter "Keep the Strife out of Your Life." What he says reflects what the film was all about: that pride can sometimes be our downfall. Osteen writes that often we blame the other person for problems in our relationship, when we have to take responsibility for our own actions. Pride, for instance, can keep people at a distance. Harping on differences of opinion, or worse, wanting our dear ones to be somebody they are not, can create deep fizzures in the bond between two people. He writes, "When you cover a person's weaknesses and go the extra mile to keep strife out of your home, you are sowing a seed for God to do work in that other person."

Osteen is suggesting we employ the anti-romance tactic. If we overlook the faults and focus on the good virtues of our spouses, than more good virtues will emerge. Red roses and candy are nice to receive once a year, but a daily dose of appreciation is what keeps the glass half full all year long. This is often not easy. Sometimes, we just want to find fault and argue our point until we WIN! And most of the time, if not all, anger only makes matters worse. In other words, being right isn't always right.

This Valentine's Day, along with your usual celebration, make a list of all of your loved one's good qualities. Overlook any faults or shortcomings. See what happens, and let the anti-romance sparks fly!

Hugs and kisses from my castle!

What are YOUR favorite love stories?

Recently I asked my FB friends what their favorite romantic films and books are. Here are some of their responses:

Books: Pablo Neruda's 100 Love Sonnets, A Veil of Roses, High Fidelity, Pride and Prejudice, Bridges of Madison County, and Dear John among others. My personal all time favorite book which just happens to be utterly romantic is Jane Eyre with Wuthering Heights a close second. (Hip hip hooray for the Bronte sisters!)

Films drew an interesting array of responses: Return to Me, Always, Before Sunset, Pretty Woman, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Casablanca, Spellbound, When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail, Somewhere in Time, Pride and Prejudice, 9-1/2 Weeks, Dangerous Beauty, Under the Tuscan Sun, The Notebook, Tristan and Isolde, Letters to Juliet among others. Most everyone said they could watch their favorite romantic film over and over. We have an Ingrid Bergman fan, too! And by the way, one of my favorite romantic films is Notorious, with Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant. The poster shown here is the original French version of the film. I bought the poster in Paris many moons ago in one of those tiny, dusty shops where the owner peeks out from behind a cluttered counter. Romantique!

My husband likes the film Eye of the Needle with Donald Sutherland and Kate Nelligan. It helps that the film takes place in WWII, as my husband is a history buff.

My nineteen year old son thinks the current film, Blue Valentine is very representative of relationships. I haven't seen the movie yet. And being his mom, I'm a bit afraid to see it. Some things moms just don't want to know.

Recently I watched the movie, Valentine's Day for the first time. With a huge cast, the film chronicles the highs, lows and inbetweens of people of all ages as they get through another Valentine's Day with all of its expectations and disappointments. I thought the film was okay; what really got my attention, however, was that both my high school and the hotel in Beverly Hills where my mother worked, were used as settings in the film. It was like watching my childhood! What a coincidence! Cool.

I could go on and on about my favorite romantic films. My all-time favorite is West Side Story, with its nod to the tragic Romeo and Juliet and its brilliant music, lyrics and choreography. Here are a few more: Bridges of Madison County, The Horse Whisperer, Notorious (as mentioned above), Sense and Sensibility...oh, dear, I could go on and on. Also, after watching the BBC production of Jane Eyre I couldn't stop crying. I know this is old fashioned of me, but crying is my romantic barometer!

Thanks to all of my friends for taking the time to participate in my incredibly informal survey! I will close with one of the most romantic poems every written, "How do I love thee?" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861).

"How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death."

Love and Peacocks

Love is in the air. And the malls, the market, and especially, at Hallmark! You catch my drift, here. Valentine's Day is now being mass marketed on a grand scale. At my little castle, Valentine's Day begins January 2; my daughter takes out all the pink and red sparkly decorations and begins transforming our house into Valentine heaven. This year we bought little red heart lights that are draped across our fireplace mantel. My girl would paint the whole house pink if she could (her room is pink, so that's a start). Need I also mention that she draws heart after heart after heart...

So what IS love, anyway? People have been asking that question since the dawn of time, so don't expect the answer from one little blogger. :-) Love makes us crazy. Love makes us ecstatic, it makes us miserable, or sometimes it shows up when we least expect it. Love can be forbidden. Or, perhaps, sometimes it is way out in the open. But there is no doubt that amour is what makes the world go 'round and it certainly keeps things interesting! I am in the process of conducting an informal survey of my Facebook friends as to their favorite love stories, whether in book or film version. Stay tuned for the results! (So far, the responses have been awesome!)

There is a difference, however, between love and romance. Love is a broader category; we love our families (ok, most of the time, anyway), friends, pets, our neighborhood, and even our cars and houses. We should love our significant others, too. LOL! But romance is the icing on the cake, the creme de la creme, the tenderest expression of love between two people. Romance induces sparkles in the eyes, a quickening of the heart, and a feeling of spiritual warmth and connectedness. With romance, we do not feel alone, rather we feel appreciated and cared for in a deep, meaningful way. Besides, romance is fun!

I think the human race has romance backwards on some accounts, however. In the animal kingdom the males are usually the ones who have to preen and make themselves attractive in order to woo a mate into -- how should I say this delicately -- a "romantic interlude". With humans, we rely on the female to utilize the right clothes and cosmetics to make herself appealing to the opposite sex. And perfume! How many studies have been done to determine which fragrances are the sexiest? Oddly enough, I have read that men are turned on by the smell of vanilla on women (they like their sweet treats!). Paradoxically, citrus scents are shown to make men think women are younger. What is a gal to do? Most men don't even wear cologne, let alone care about their skin, hair and nails!

Recently, I was witness to romance at the highest level. I was volunteering at The Gentle Barn, a wonderful place where farm animals (and some dogs and cats) are rescued after being in abusive environments and/or being abandoned. I was working in the Upper Barnyard, brushing sheep, goats, pigs, and some adorable calves (one of which licked my hand -- so cute!). Anyway, there was a gorgeous peacock that started fluffing out his magnificent feathers for all to see. The other farm animals just walked past him and paid no notice to his dramatic display. I was with two other women volunteers. We were amazed at this peacock's beauty, but we couldn't figure out why he was hissing and shaking his feathers, and even his whole body. One lady said the feathers were his line of defense; so we just kept our distance from what we thought was an angry peacock.

Later that day, I was signing out at the front office. I mentioned to the young lady at the front desk that the peacock seemed "pissed off." "Oh no," said the staffer, "he just wants a girlfriend. He is trying to attract a chicken." Poor Mr. Peacock! The only "chicks" who took notice of him that day were of the human kind!

Keeping Cool...and I'm Not Talking About the Weather

Last week I wrote about winter, and how I enjoy the cooler weather. Today, I'd like to discuss how to keep our inner "chill" when we are angry or upset. When we are in a heated situation, how do we stay cool, calm and collected? I believe it is a skill, even an art form, if you will, to develop self control.

Needless to say, as a substitute teacher, I am often in tense situations. I see the best and unfortunately, the worst in young people. They are testing their boundaries in every way. I can tell what kind of class I'm going to have the minute they walk into the room. If they are celebrating the fact that they have a sub, I know I could be in for it. Do they sit in their seats or on top of the desks? Are they shouting across the room oblivious to the fact that there is an adult in the room? Do they open their backpacks and take out their supplies, or just stare into space with their Ipods on?

Admittedly, I sometimes feel my blood pressure rise. When I feel the stress, I follow basic anger management techniques: I take a few deep breaths and count to ten. I learned early on in my teaching career that if you start screaming at the kids, it only makes the situation worse. If the students see a teacher "lose it" then they have "won" the battle and all hell could break lose. So I take my breaths. I remain calm and I wait. Literally, wait. I will say, "I'm waiting." Nine times out of ten, I don't have to say anything more; the students see that I am standing there, waiting for them to quiet down, and they will tell each other to stop talking.

Positive reinforcement works wonders, too. Instead of focusing on the troublemakers, I will complement those students who are on task. It makes me feel good, and brings a positive vibe to the environment. This technique works especially well with Junior High Schoolers, who are like puppy dogs wanting attention and rewards.

I fear that with the onslaught of reality shows or TV shows for teenagers like "Skins" that condone dysfunctional behavior, people young and old do not have behavioral role models. Not too long ago on the popular daytime talk show, "The View," hosts Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar stormed off stage because of guest Bill O'Reilly's comments on the proposed mosque near ground zero in New York City. Who saved the day? Barbara Walters, a seasoned professional, who kept her cool and managed to get in her opinion without shouting. She disagreed with O'Reilly in a civil manner and said that though she loved her colleagues, it was inexcusable for them to "wash their hands and walk away." Barbara was an example of professionalism, maturity, and grace.

Basically, when we lose our temper, it is very unattractive, and in the end, we lose. When people get angry their whole face gets red. Wrinkles suddenly appear. Perhaps anger ages us more than time itself. This is not to say that we can't get angry or upset now and then. We are human. Remember Emily Post (1872-1960)? Pictured on today's blog, Emily Post was a writer and the quintessential proponent of etiquette and good manners. Post wrote, "The attributes of a great lady may still be found in the rule of the four S's: sincerity, simplicity, sympathy and serenity." Post, who divorced her husband because he was running around with chorus girls and fledgling actresses, certainly got angry, but didn't let her emotions get the best of her. She made a mint writing about how to set a table and behave in public!

If for no other reason than vanity, it is much more becoming to be serene than seething.

Vision Boards -- Part 2

Last week I wrote about vision boards. Some of my loyal -- and royal --readers have asked me some excellent questions about the vision board process. I love questions and comments, by the way, so feel free to always ask away! I shall clarify the process...

First of all, a vision board should be part conscious, part sub-conscious. The conscious part looks like this: gather at least ten of your favorite magazines (varied subjects, too) and spend about two hours going through them and clipping images that stir your psyche. (I mentioned this in the previous blog -- don't "over think" your choices.) I usually start clipping photos a few weeks before I begin my board; sometimes if I am leisurely perusing a magazine and I come across a photo that "wows" me, I will clip it and save it for the following year. If the photo still wows me come January, then it is a keeper.

After you have a reasonable amount of clippings, I believe it is best to assemble your vision board without belaboring the process. In other words, don't spend too much time working on it. You want to have some spontaneity to it, some surprises, and even a little mysterious empty space. I don't usually plan exactly where I'm going to paste my pics, I just sort of go with the flow and let the pictures dictate where they want to go. But I think it is best to set aside a block of time -- say three hours or so -- to complete your board. Brew a pot of tea, turn on some of your favorite music, send the kids out with daddy and let the creative juices flow.

Also, one of my readers suggested that vision boards could also be used for specific projects. For instance, if you are dreaming of how you want to remodel your house -- find pics of cool homes you love and create your perfect interior decorating "vision." Or, if you want to write a novel, clip pics of what your characters might look like, where they live, what happens to them, etc. The list goes on and on.

Remember Ouija boards from our childhood? We were supposed to let the "spirits" guide our fingers to the answers, but in reality, it was our subconscious desires that really led the way!

Vision boards and Ouija boards are cousins; they require equal parts direction and inspiration.

Pictured here is LAST year's vision board. I think I was very heavy handed with the images, so this year I decided to leave more empty space (see previous post). However, I had many photos and quotes about writing -- my focus for 2010.

Good luck, darlings! May your fingers guide you to the perfect vision!

Winter Wonderland?

"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -- Mark Twain

I would like to rewrite Twain's famous statement: "The warmest summer I ever spent was a winter in Santa Clarita." Folks, it is 80 degrees today. I am wearing a t-shirt, skirt and sandals. Where did winter go? My roses, recently pruned for their supposed winter rest cycle, are showing little growths that will turn into branches. Perhaps this is weird, but I'm not ready for those bushes to bear flowers, yet. I want them to stay barren and plain. I do not want to let go of cold weather. How can I explain my behavior?

Two weeks ago we were in the throes of snow right here in Santa Clarita. The last time it snowed here (and stuck to the ground) was nearly 20 years ago! So for those of us West Coasters used to warm winters, the unexpected flurry was all the buzz! Here is a picture of my castle "covered" in snow! Woo hoo! It was an exciting way to bring in the new year. That day I happened to be driving home from an outing to the Staples Center (Clippers lost, nothing new) when I couldn't believe my eyes. The mountains were covered in a layer of soft white snow. My son and his friend were asleep on the ride home, and when I woke them up to see the spectacle, both boys (nineteen years old) were like little kids with their exclamations and ooohhs and aahhs. My son said, "snow makes everything look nice, even these mountains."

I love winter for selfish reasons. Less gardening to do. On a blistery day, what else is there to do but go see a movie or read a good book? Baking (one of my hobbies) is much more fun when it's cold outside. Perhaps it is because I have never had to dig myself out of several feet of snow, that my idealized winter vision is appealing. My family moved to California from Detroit, Michigan -- I was born in the middle of a snow storm there, in fact -- when I was only two years old. I remember seeing my mother's winter coat in the closet. To a child's eyes, that coat looked like a bear. I used to tell my mother how much I wished we still lived in Michigan. She would smile and tell me I didn't know how lucky I was to be in a warmer climate.

My ancestors were Russian, as well, and endured many an extreme winter. Perhaps my yearning for a cold season is in my blood.

I always associate winter, however, with the metaphysical principle of "potentiality." Deepak Chopra writes, "all of creation, everything that exists in the physical world, is the result of the unmanifest transforming itself into the manifest." When I look at a tree in winter that has lost all of its leaves, for example, all I see is bare branches. But within a few months, the tree will change and show its beauty. I think of people in the same way. Sometimes we might feel as if our lives have hit a wall, or we get into a "funk." We can't see into the future, so all that we see at the moment are the things that are going wrong. We might think that the situation or the bad feelings that we harbor will never change. But with a little work, sunshine, the right attitude, our lives can transform.

When you see a caterpillar, do also see a butterfly?

I need the winter to hibernate, take time to self-reflect, and retreat into my little cocoon. I prune my life, just as I prune my roses every January. I am also a believer that the winters, or hard times, in our lives make us stronger. There is a quote by Anne Bradstreet, a poet who lived in New England in the 1600s: "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

What better an expert on enduring harsh winters than a Puritan woman living in Colonial New England!

Vision Boards

Every January I create a vision board. What is a vision board? A "VB" is a tool to help you focus on what you would like to accomplish or acquire. It is a "picture" of your mind's eye and, like the calendar I wrote about earlier this week, sets the tone for your year.

This year my vision board (shown here in all its glory) is neon orange. This is a first for me, as I usually go for more subtle background colors. But it seems that bold colors are expressing themselves in 2011. Think about my yellow roses that brought in the New Year...yes, this year I am painting a palette with bold strokes. Going for broke.

If you notice on this year's VB, I am intentionally focusing on increasing my income. So I have placed money images in several strategic places on my VB. Some pictures I just like for their color or the mood they evoke (like Rebecca Hall wearing a sweater with a couture skirt -- looking oh, so Victorian). Other lovely objects (a new watch, a pair of brown boots) appeal to my materialistic urges. I have a picture (upper right) of a family gathering, and also two frames of Julia Roberts from a photo shoot when Eat Pray Love (love the book!) came out. The overall theme for this year is how to turn my creative energy into a lucrative venture. I wouldn't mind having more spa and pampering time as well!

Now you might be asking: does this mumbo jumbo actually work? Well, I would say that the vision board is only as good as the thought that goes into it. Some years I just slapped one together, and not much happened. Other years I had many uncanny coincidences occur. For instance, one year I really wanted (and needed) a new car, but had no resources in sight to make that expensive a purchase. I pasted a new car on my VB anyway. Within a year, I had my new car. One year I found a picture of a cruise ship. Surprise! That year I went on a cruise when I least expected it. (Perhaps my husband took a peek or two at my board?) The list goes on and on.

Vision boards are fun and easy to make! All you need is a poster board, glue, scissors, a bunch of magazines, imagination and a little time to focus. A glass of wine or a cup of tea helps, too! My VB this year is not as cluttered with pictures as it has been in previous years. I think that's because I honestly don't want a lot of "stuff" this year. I'd much prefer to invest in travel and having new experiences. Last year's board was filled to the brim with writing images, and hence, I started this blog.

Last June, Oprah magazine had an excellent article on vision boards by Martha Beck. She advocated selecting pictures that draw an emotional feeling, rather than just images of pretty things. She writes, "a vision board has to come not from your culture but from your primordial, nonsocial self--the genetically animal/angel that contains your innate preferences." In other words, clip pics that appeal to you for no reason at all, but trigger a gut or physical reaction. Sometimes you will surprise yourself and discover something new. Clipping picture after picture of skinny women, for instance, will not help you achieve your dream body. Don't always go for cliches, go for abstract, nuanced images. Think outside the box, or board, I should say.

Remember, the purpose of a vision board is to hold up an image of what you would like to enter your life. Martha Beck says the VB is there "to focus your attention--briefly. After that, the less mental strain you feel, the sooner good things will happen."

And who doesn't want good things to happen?

What Your Calendar Says About You

How has the New Year been treating you?

Or, should I say, how have you been treating the New Year?

Every January, I love selecting a calendar in the hopes that it will set the tone for the year. I believe that calendars could be part of a sociological study of the secret longings and desires of the human race! Think about it...the majority of calendars depict European cities, gorgeous natural vistas and lush island paradises. Most people want to escape into their calendars...drift off to another time or place to alleviate stress or the occasional bout with ennui. Some people prefer humorous or silly calendars to brighten their day. Perhaps cute animals rock your boat? Sports teams and athletes are my son's faves. Or, for the sophisticated art lovers out there, many calendars show famous or not-so-famous paintings/photographs by renowned artists. I don't think any of my readers want girls in swim suits! (Unless, perhaps, the bathing beauties might motivate us to keep our diet resolutions for the year...)

Are there any calendars depicting scenes of suburbia? Yawn city! Who wants reality for Pete's sake? On the other end of the spectrum, however, I know someone who had the idea of a calendar devoted to roadkill, with a different roadkill photo each month. Lovely.

In the past, I have admittedly opted for European scenery. Pure wishful thinking! My calendar is in my kitchen near where I wash my dishes, so what better vista for my tired eyes than a Parisian cafe, or better yet, a cobblestone street with ornate buildings, chic women carrying a poodle in one arm and a baguette in another, all with the Seine River flowing in the background. I have also had a "Year in Tuscany, " twelve months of colorful, antique teapots and Georgia O'Keeffe's big, bold flowers on my kitchen wall.

Last year, I gave the coveted kitchen calendar spot over to my husband; my daughter and I selected a Jewish-themed calendar, knowing that husband would be pleased. So 2010 was marked by objects of art by Jewish artists. Some of the paintings dated back 200 years. Other months offered a contemporary piece of art, such as an ultra-modern menorah. One portrait (shown here) was my favorite. Titled Portrait of Aline Meyer Liebman, 1927, it was painted by Stefan Hirsch. For some reason, I love this portrait. I happen to be interested in the history and fashion of the 1920s, but really I find the painting pleasing to the eye. Aline Meyer Liebman, by the way, was an art collector as well as a painter and photographer in her own right. She was friends with the artist.

As I mentioned earlier, I think calendars set the tone or theme for the year. Last year was definitely one marked by the exploration of my Jewish roots, from learning about my Jewish-related genetic mutation to enrolling my daughter in Hebrew school. A real roller coaster ride of a year!

So what is in store for 2011? Well, I let my daughter choose this year's calendar. It is called "Cats in Hats" and I am going to be looking at cute kitties wearing adorable little hats all year long! Meow!