The Secret Garden

Women need their own secret garden.

Lately I have been stressed out. A little more than usual. The reason is simple, and part of every woman's daily existence: too much to do and too little time to do it. Recently, there was a story on the national news about how the average woman is considered to be more stressed out than an air traffic controller! Juggling family, career, chores, and just the routines of life have made women...have made me...crazy. Usually, I am pretty good about not over scheduling myself. Oh well.

Just the other night, in fact, I couldn't sleep because I had so many "to dos" on my list. Tossing and turning the night away, I finally took some deep breaths and gave myself a mini wake up call: my worries are not life or death. How much I volunteer at my daughter's school, or the hour I need to go to the dentist, or how much money I earn by working part time, are not major life issues. I made myself take a long, hard, look however, at how I can find time to not only unwind and relax, but also how I can use my time wisely to fulfill some important goals. I truly believe that Time -- with a capital T -- is life's greatest luxury.

I have been thinking a lot about a whole genre of books relating to the woman's journey and how to emulate that experience at home. Books like Eat Pray Love or Without Reservations chronicle the woman's sojourn into foreign lands in search of adventure and self. It's a truth that when we are at home, with all of our "musts" and "to dos" we can get easily side tracked as to what is important to us. Our core beliefs get pushed aside because we have to clean bathrooms, wash dishes, cook dinner and fold a ton of laundry. Aside from seeing wonderful sites, quality travel gives us Time to think about our lives. Who doesn't long for that life altering epiphany while strolling under the chestnut trees that line the Champs Elysees or floating on a Venetian gondola?

I wish I could take a month or two to walk down ancient cobble-stoned streets so that I could once again hear that small inner voice that leads to my deepest heartfelt goals and desires. But alas, now is not the right time for me to take such a trip. Nor is it feasible for the majority of women. That's why I love to read about other women's travels! (Now on my to read shelf is All Over the Map about a divorced woman (Laura Fraser, a travel writer) who gets over a romance gone sour by visiting Argentina, Peru, Naples and Paris.)

The common denominator for these women, as you might guess, is that none of them has...drum roll please...little children.

Where does that leave us ladies with small children in tow? I think the answer lies in our own backyard, literally. If nothing else, every woman should have a "secret" garden where she spends some reflective time as often as humanely possible. After my sleepless night last week, I gave myself license to sit in my backyard the next day while my daughter was at school. I set up a nice table cloth and made myself a cup of coffee. I just sat, breathed deeply, and listened to the wind. I watched the birds, squirrels, and lizards. Without spending a dime, I let time pass without feeling I had to "do" anything or help anyone. It was a precious, selfish hour well spent!

If you don't have a garden, find a patio, or a nearby park with a little bench. In Europe parks are everywhere, some expansive, others are just itsy bitsy square patches of grass with benches. Yesterday, I saw a story about the Berkeley Hotel in Knightsbridge, London that has a secret garden on its rooftop spa. (See picture.) It has a topiary, lavender, and birch trees. The promotional picture also shows a well-stocked picnic basket. I also love how they have a pheasant sculpture and a pretend peacock. This garden doesn't take itself too seriously!

The hotel's garden has a rustic British countryside feel. It doesn't seem to me that it would be hard to recreate those elements in a typical Santa Clarita backyard. All we need is a little inspiration.

It's not a trip to Europe, but it is a start to create a small space to retire to with a book and a glass of wine. A place to daydream as well as live in the moment. For me, my garden is my pretend European vacation.

Thank goodness I have a vivid imagination! Bon Voyage!