Keeping Cool...and I'm Not Talking About the Weather

Last week I wrote about winter, and how I enjoy the cooler weather. Today, I'd like to discuss how to keep our inner "chill" when we are angry or upset. When we are in a heated situation, how do we stay cool, calm and collected? I believe it is a skill, even an art form, if you will, to develop self control.

Needless to say, as a substitute teacher, I am often in tense situations. I see the best and unfortunately, the worst in young people. They are testing their boundaries in every way. I can tell what kind of class I'm going to have the minute they walk into the room. If they are celebrating the fact that they have a sub, I know I could be in for it. Do they sit in their seats or on top of the desks? Are they shouting across the room oblivious to the fact that there is an adult in the room? Do they open their backpacks and take out their supplies, or just stare into space with their Ipods on?

Admittedly, I sometimes feel my blood pressure rise. When I feel the stress, I follow basic anger management techniques: I take a few deep breaths and count to ten. I learned early on in my teaching career that if you start screaming at the kids, it only makes the situation worse. If the students see a teacher "lose it" then they have "won" the battle and all hell could break lose. So I take my breaths. I remain calm and I wait. Literally, wait. I will say, "I'm waiting." Nine times out of ten, I don't have to say anything more; the students see that I am standing there, waiting for them to quiet down, and they will tell each other to stop talking.

Positive reinforcement works wonders, too. Instead of focusing on the troublemakers, I will complement those students who are on task. It makes me feel good, and brings a positive vibe to the environment. This technique works especially well with Junior High Schoolers, who are like puppy dogs wanting attention and rewards.

I fear that with the onslaught of reality shows or TV shows for teenagers like "Skins" that condone dysfunctional behavior, people young and old do not have behavioral role models. Not too long ago on the popular daytime talk show, "The View," hosts Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar stormed off stage because of guest Bill O'Reilly's comments on the proposed mosque near ground zero in New York City. Who saved the day? Barbara Walters, a seasoned professional, who kept her cool and managed to get in her opinion without shouting. She disagreed with O'Reilly in a civil manner and said that though she loved her colleagues, it was inexcusable for them to "wash their hands and walk away." Barbara was an example of professionalism, maturity, and grace.

Basically, when we lose our temper, it is very unattractive, and in the end, we lose. When people get angry their whole face gets red. Wrinkles suddenly appear. Perhaps anger ages us more than time itself. This is not to say that we can't get angry or upset now and then. We are human. Remember Emily Post (1872-1960)? Pictured on today's blog, Emily Post was a writer and the quintessential proponent of etiquette and good manners. Post wrote, "The attributes of a great lady may still be found in the rule of the four S's: sincerity, simplicity, sympathy and serenity." Post, who divorced her husband because he was running around with chorus girls and fledgling actresses, certainly got angry, but didn't let her emotions get the best of her. She made a mint writing about how to set a table and behave in public!

If for no other reason than vanity, it is much more becoming to be serene than seething.

Vision Boards -- Part 2

Last week I wrote about vision boards. Some of my loyal -- and royal --readers have asked me some excellent questions about the vision board process. I love questions and comments, by the way, so feel free to always ask away! I shall clarify the process...

First of all, a vision board should be part conscious, part sub-conscious. The conscious part looks like this: gather at least ten of your favorite magazines (varied subjects, too) and spend about two hours going through them and clipping images that stir your psyche. (I mentioned this in the previous blog -- don't "over think" your choices.) I usually start clipping photos a few weeks before I begin my board; sometimes if I am leisurely perusing a magazine and I come across a photo that "wows" me, I will clip it and save it for the following year. If the photo still wows me come January, then it is a keeper.

After you have a reasonable amount of clippings, I believe it is best to assemble your vision board without belaboring the process. In other words, don't spend too much time working on it. You want to have some spontaneity to it, some surprises, and even a little mysterious empty space. I don't usually plan exactly where I'm going to paste my pics, I just sort of go with the flow and let the pictures dictate where they want to go. But I think it is best to set aside a block of time -- say three hours or so -- to complete your board. Brew a pot of tea, turn on some of your favorite music, send the kids out with daddy and let the creative juices flow.

Also, one of my readers suggested that vision boards could also be used for specific projects. For instance, if you are dreaming of how you want to remodel your house -- find pics of cool homes you love and create your perfect interior decorating "vision." Or, if you want to write a novel, clip pics of what your characters might look like, where they live, what happens to them, etc. The list goes on and on.

Remember Ouija boards from our childhood? We were supposed to let the "spirits" guide our fingers to the answers, but in reality, it was our subconscious desires that really led the way!

Vision boards and Ouija boards are cousins; they require equal parts direction and inspiration.

Pictured here is LAST year's vision board. I think I was very heavy handed with the images, so this year I decided to leave more empty space (see previous post). However, I had many photos and quotes about writing -- my focus for 2010.

Good luck, darlings! May your fingers guide you to the perfect vision!

Winter Wonderland?

"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -- Mark Twain

I would like to rewrite Twain's famous statement: "The warmest summer I ever spent was a winter in Santa Clarita." Folks, it is 80 degrees today. I am wearing a t-shirt, skirt and sandals. Where did winter go? My roses, recently pruned for their supposed winter rest cycle, are showing little growths that will turn into branches. Perhaps this is weird, but I'm not ready for those bushes to bear flowers, yet. I want them to stay barren and plain. I do not want to let go of cold weather. How can I explain my behavior?

Two weeks ago we were in the throes of snow right here in Santa Clarita. The last time it snowed here (and stuck to the ground) was nearly 20 years ago! So for those of us West Coasters used to warm winters, the unexpected flurry was all the buzz! Here is a picture of my castle "covered" in snow! Woo hoo! It was an exciting way to bring in the new year. That day I happened to be driving home from an outing to the Staples Center (Clippers lost, nothing new) when I couldn't believe my eyes. The mountains were covered in a layer of soft white snow. My son and his friend were asleep on the ride home, and when I woke them up to see the spectacle, both boys (nineteen years old) were like little kids with their exclamations and ooohhs and aahhs. My son said, "snow makes everything look nice, even these mountains."

I love winter for selfish reasons. Less gardening to do. On a blistery day, what else is there to do but go see a movie or read a good book? Baking (one of my hobbies) is much more fun when it's cold outside. Perhaps it is because I have never had to dig myself out of several feet of snow, that my idealized winter vision is appealing. My family moved to California from Detroit, Michigan -- I was born in the middle of a snow storm there, in fact -- when I was only two years old. I remember seeing my mother's winter coat in the closet. To a child's eyes, that coat looked like a bear. I used to tell my mother how much I wished we still lived in Michigan. She would smile and tell me I didn't know how lucky I was to be in a warmer climate.

My ancestors were Russian, as well, and endured many an extreme winter. Perhaps my yearning for a cold season is in my blood.

I always associate winter, however, with the metaphysical principle of "potentiality." Deepak Chopra writes, "all of creation, everything that exists in the physical world, is the result of the unmanifest transforming itself into the manifest." When I look at a tree in winter that has lost all of its leaves, for example, all I see is bare branches. But within a few months, the tree will change and show its beauty. I think of people in the same way. Sometimes we might feel as if our lives have hit a wall, or we get into a "funk." We can't see into the future, so all that we see at the moment are the things that are going wrong. We might think that the situation or the bad feelings that we harbor will never change. But with a little work, sunshine, the right attitude, our lives can transform.

When you see a caterpillar, do also see a butterfly?

I need the winter to hibernate, take time to self-reflect, and retreat into my little cocoon. I prune my life, just as I prune my roses every January. I am also a believer that the winters, or hard times, in our lives make us stronger. There is a quote by Anne Bradstreet, a poet who lived in New England in the 1600s: "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

What better an expert on enduring harsh winters than a Puritan woman living in Colonial New England!

Vision Boards

Every January I create a vision board. What is a vision board? A "VB" is a tool to help you focus on what you would like to accomplish or acquire. It is a "picture" of your mind's eye and, like the calendar I wrote about earlier this week, sets the tone for your year.

This year my vision board (shown here in all its glory) is neon orange. This is a first for me, as I usually go for more subtle background colors. But it seems that bold colors are expressing themselves in 2011. Think about my yellow roses that brought in the New Year...yes, this year I am painting a palette with bold strokes. Going for broke.

If you notice on this year's VB, I am intentionally focusing on increasing my income. So I have placed money images in several strategic places on my VB. Some pictures I just like for their color or the mood they evoke (like Rebecca Hall wearing a sweater with a couture skirt -- looking oh, so Victorian). Other lovely objects (a new watch, a pair of brown boots) appeal to my materialistic urges. I have a picture (upper right) of a family gathering, and also two frames of Julia Roberts from a photo shoot when Eat Pray Love (love the book!) came out. The overall theme for this year is how to turn my creative energy into a lucrative venture. I wouldn't mind having more spa and pampering time as well!

Now you might be asking: does this mumbo jumbo actually work? Well, I would say that the vision board is only as good as the thought that goes into it. Some years I just slapped one together, and not much happened. Other years I had many uncanny coincidences occur. For instance, one year I really wanted (and needed) a new car, but had no resources in sight to make that expensive a purchase. I pasted a new car on my VB anyway. Within a year, I had my new car. One year I found a picture of a cruise ship. Surprise! That year I went on a cruise when I least expected it. (Perhaps my husband took a peek or two at my board?) The list goes on and on.

Vision boards are fun and easy to make! All you need is a poster board, glue, scissors, a bunch of magazines, imagination and a little time to focus. A glass of wine or a cup of tea helps, too! My VB this year is not as cluttered with pictures as it has been in previous years. I think that's because I honestly don't want a lot of "stuff" this year. I'd much prefer to invest in travel and having new experiences. Last year's board was filled to the brim with writing images, and hence, I started this blog.

Last June, Oprah magazine had an excellent article on vision boards by Martha Beck. She advocated selecting pictures that draw an emotional feeling, rather than just images of pretty things. She writes, "a vision board has to come not from your culture but from your primordial, nonsocial self--the genetically animal/angel that contains your innate preferences." In other words, clip pics that appeal to you for no reason at all, but trigger a gut or physical reaction. Sometimes you will surprise yourself and discover something new. Clipping picture after picture of skinny women, for instance, will not help you achieve your dream body. Don't always go for cliches, go for abstract, nuanced images. Think outside the box, or board, I should say.

Remember, the purpose of a vision board is to hold up an image of what you would like to enter your life. Martha Beck says the VB is there "to focus your attention--briefly. After that, the less mental strain you feel, the sooner good things will happen."

And who doesn't want good things to happen?

What Your Calendar Says About You

How has the New Year been treating you?

Or, should I say, how have you been treating the New Year?

Every January, I love selecting a calendar in the hopes that it will set the tone for the year. I believe that calendars could be part of a sociological study of the secret longings and desires of the human race! Think about it...the majority of calendars depict European cities, gorgeous natural vistas and lush island paradises. Most people want to escape into their calendars...drift off to another time or place to alleviate stress or the occasional bout with ennui. Some people prefer humorous or silly calendars to brighten their day. Perhaps cute animals rock your boat? Sports teams and athletes are my son's faves. Or, for the sophisticated art lovers out there, many calendars show famous or not-so-famous paintings/photographs by renowned artists. I don't think any of my readers want girls in swim suits! (Unless, perhaps, the bathing beauties might motivate us to keep our diet resolutions for the year...)

Are there any calendars depicting scenes of suburbia? Yawn city! Who wants reality for Pete's sake? On the other end of the spectrum, however, I know someone who had the idea of a calendar devoted to roadkill, with a different roadkill photo each month. Lovely.

In the past, I have admittedly opted for European scenery. Pure wishful thinking! My calendar is in my kitchen near where I wash my dishes, so what better vista for my tired eyes than a Parisian cafe, or better yet, a cobblestone street with ornate buildings, chic women carrying a poodle in one arm and a baguette in another, all with the Seine River flowing in the background. I have also had a "Year in Tuscany, " twelve months of colorful, antique teapots and Georgia O'Keeffe's big, bold flowers on my kitchen wall.

Last year, I gave the coveted kitchen calendar spot over to my husband; my daughter and I selected a Jewish-themed calendar, knowing that husband would be pleased. So 2010 was marked by objects of art by Jewish artists. Some of the paintings dated back 200 years. Other months offered a contemporary piece of art, such as an ultra-modern menorah. One portrait (shown here) was my favorite. Titled Portrait of Aline Meyer Liebman, 1927, it was painted by Stefan Hirsch. For some reason, I love this portrait. I happen to be interested in the history and fashion of the 1920s, but really I find the painting pleasing to the eye. Aline Meyer Liebman, by the way, was an art collector as well as a painter and photographer in her own right. She was friends with the artist.

As I mentioned earlier, I think calendars set the tone or theme for the year. Last year was definitely one marked by the exploration of my Jewish roots, from learning about my Jewish-related genetic mutation to enrolling my daughter in Hebrew school. A real roller coaster ride of a year!

So what is in store for 2011? Well, I let my daughter choose this year's calendar. It is called "Cats in Hats" and I am going to be looking at cute kitties wearing adorable little hats all year long! Meow!