Earlier this week I wrote about some of our favorite love stories. By and large, these heart warming tales revolve around the "boy meets girl" plot. Usually, this plot involves the reconciliation of differences between the main characters as they begin their journey into a meaningful long term relationship. Usually, the protagonists don't like each other in the beginning, but soon enough they realize they are soul-mates.But what happens after the credits roll and the sweethearts drive off into the sunset? I'll tell you: real life. Life with all of its disappointments, mistakes, miscommunication, highs, lows and inbetweens. Even if our first dates, weddings and/or early experiences with our sweeties might be considered romantic, it is the stuff of everyday living that challenges even the most romantic of us.
Yesterday I watched (for the fourth? fifth? time) one of my favorite films, The Painted Veil, with Edward Norton as Dr. Walter Fane, a microbiologist, and Naomi Watts as his wife, Kitty Fane. The film, based on the book by W. Somerset Maugham, takes place in Colonial-era (1920s) China, as the two British newlyweds battle adultery, disease and disappointment. This film is not "pretty" like Letters to Juliet, for example. Though I consider Veil's location to be splendid and dramatic, it is not comparable to the lush Italian countryside of Juliet, nor are the main characters as innocent and beautiful.
As I was watching this film, I thought of it as an "anti-romance" romance. Like anti-heroes who are sympathetic despite major character flaws (i.e. Scarlett O'Hara and many of Clint Eastwood's roles, especially Dirty Harry) Veil finds its romance AFTER the characters have been married and hit rock bottom. I don't want to give away too much, but the Fanes find redemption through self-sacrifice and forgiveness. For some reason, every time I watch this movie I feel more loving and forgiving.
Fluffy chick flicks often depict the mere falling in love as the end result. Hey, I love chick flicks like any warm blooded woman does, but as we all know, the early days of love are the easy ones! It is the bumpy journey that love takes us on that is the real deal. I am also reading Joel Osteen's book, Become a Better You. Coincidentally, last night after watching Veil, I started the chapter "Keep the Strife out of Your Life." What he says reflects what the film was all about: that pride can sometimes be our downfall. Osteen writes that often we blame the other person for problems in our relationship, when we have to take responsibility for our own actions. Pride, for instance, can keep people at a distance. Harping on differences of opinion, or worse, wanting our dear ones to be somebody they are not, can create deep fizzures in the bond between two people. He writes, "When you cover a person's weaknesses and go the extra mile to keep strife out of your home, you are sowing a seed for God to do work in that other person."
Osteen is suggesting we employ the anti-romance tactic. If we overlook the faults and focus on the good virtues of our spouses, than more good virtues will emerge. Red roses and candy are nice to receive once a year, but a daily dose of appreciation is what keeps the glass half full all year long. This is often not easy. Sometimes, we just want to find fault and argue our point until we WIN! And most of the time, if not all, anger only makes matters worse. In other words, being right isn't always right.
This Valentine's Day, along with your usual celebration, make a list of all of your loved one's good qualities. Overlook any faults or shortcomings. See what happens, and let the anti-romance sparks fly!
Hugs and kisses from my castle!
Awsome!
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