Spring and Body Image

Spring is here (almost). My garden is a hubbub of activity, with birds chirping, bees buzzing, lizards scurrying and squirrels mating. I am looking forward to planting basil and lavender, various flowers, and perhaps a tomato plant or two. Last year, I planted a cherry tomato plant that grew like Jack in the Beanstalk. Literally, every day that thing was a foot taller!

I know, however, that for most women spring brings with it a mixed bag of feelings. There is a sense of optimism and anticipation that both longer days and warm temperatures bring. We get an urge to clean our house to the nth degree. Sweep away those spider webs! Wipe down those dusty drawers! We want to freshen up our closets, too, and buy a pretty dress or blouse. But most of all, come springtime, I know a mild sort of panic overtakes many women. For spring means there are only three months until summer. That means the cruel, evil, terrifying monster known as the BATHING SUIT comes out of hibernation. And with the demon bathing suit, we must reveal to the world what we've got. For many of us, this is a daunting thought. With spring, we suddenly find ourselves in a summer slim-down frenzy. I've been there, done that.

A few months ago I read Portia De Rossi's book, Unbearable Lightness, chronicling her behemoth struggle with anorexia and bulimia. She became so obsessed with her weight, for example, that one day after chewing a piece of gum, she started running crazily through a parking lot to burn off the "extra" calories. Basically, she lived off of a few bites of tuna, cigarettes, and butter spray. But Portia was one of the lucky ones. Finally, on the brink of self-destruction, she got a wake up call from her doctor, and began the climb back up to normal eating habits. She had a helpful girlfriend (this is her pre-Ellen days) who showed her how to eat when she was hungry, and stop when she was full. A simple concept when you think of it, but not so easy to embrace after years of self-imposed starvation. During her recovery, Portia discovered her set point weight that was a little more than she wanted, but she learned to accept it. Reading this book is like descending into a deep abyss. Portia isolated herself from friends, family, fun and food in order to achieve the thinness she believed would bring her happiness and success as an actress. Eventually, she awoke from this nightmare and accepted herself (and that included her sexuality, as well).

I know I will never be "skinny". Especially now, at 50 years old, as my metabolism has slowed down and I need to eat less and exercise more just to maintain my weight. There is always that extra ten pounds that seem to linger on my hips, as if to say, "Nah, nah, you can't get me!" This spring I have decided to take a different approach, however. I am using reverse psychology on myself by spending more of my energy simply appreciating what I have, rather than worrying about what I wish I looked like. You can't imagine how much time that frees up! Now, that doesn't mean I'm going to go cupcake crazy, either ('cause I love the cute little guys), or throw caution to the wind. My plan is to eat healthy, watch portion control, and exercise. I am opting for health and balance over anxiety and despair. We will see where that takes me and my shape! I will let you know!

I'll admit that I have yet to go swimsuit shopping this season! But I DO know that with all the suffering going on in the world, I feel it is more important to be grateful for what I have, even with my imperfections. In times like these, we have to keep our minor flaws in perspective. After all, spring is the epitome of abundance, beauty and awakening. Take care and enjoy the moment!