Elizabeth Taylor

Glamorous Elizabeth Taylor recently passed away at 79 years old. She has been hailed as the last great movie star...also, she has been known as a humanitarian and a champion for AIDS research. According to many accounts, she was the type of person who stood by her friends no matter what. Surprise, surprise, she was also a mom to four children (two boys and two girls)! She also converted to Judaism in 1959. Oh yeah!

Elizabeth Taylor was known and appreciated for her breathtaking beauty and acting talent. She won two Oscars. I will never forget her in A Place in the Sun with co-star Montgomery Clift. What a pair! It is part love story, part murder mystery, part American classic. She exuded a dangerous sexuality even at the ripe age of 17 years old! I read once that Clift and Taylor fell in a platonic sort of love during that movie. Clift, who was bisexual, had conflicting feelings about men and women. Though they were never lovers, they remained close friends for life.

My daughter is a big fan of Elizabeth in National Velvet. Throughout the movie, Elizabeth plays Velvet Brown, a young girl who believes in the ability of her horse "Pie" so much, she disguises herself and pretends to be a (male!) jockey to ride in the "Nationals". I swear that in almost every scene, a 12 year old Elizabeth has tears in her eyes. She is so full of love and passion for her horse that it is contagious. I won't tell my daughter, however, that after the film was completed, Elizabeth was given "The Pie" as a birthday present. That is since my daughter is campaigning for a horse of her own...

Elizabeth was known for her passions...food and men being among the top two! (And who can blame her?) She married eight times, and twice to actor Richard Burton. Burton called her "an erotic legend...whose breasts would topple empires." Awesome! She loved diamonds and red lipstick. I once read that her favorite roses were lavender ones, because they matched her famous violet eyes. (Since my eyes are brown, I am thinking that the only flower that would match mine would be a dead one! Okay, so chocolate would match my eyes...that is an even trade!)

She even created her own perfume, "White Diamonds." I couldn't help but sample some of White Diamonds recently when I was at the perfume counter. The perfume starts strong and almost takes your breath away. After a bit, though, it softens and smells paradoxically clean and luscious. My curiosity piqued, I went online to see what other women thought about White Diamonds, and most were very positive about it -- often receiving compliments from men and women. Sold on the scent, I went back and bought a small bottle of the eau de toilette. I must admit that I have not been disappointed with it. In fact, I love it! It is a little old fashioned, but brazen, soft and sensuous. I think it is also fun channeling Elizabeth into my own life in a small way.

Talent, beauty, perfume, and a lust for life aside, people love Elizabeth Taylor (and all of the GREAT movie stars for that matter) because of their larger than life quality. Metaphorically speaking, movie stars embody the hero's -- ahem, heroine's --journey for truth, happiness and beauty. There is no doubt that Elizabeth led the life of a goddess. But she was human, too. A great-grandma, even! In the end, like any mortal, she was scared. Her friend, Debbie Reynolds (who forgave Elizabeth for stealing Reynold's husband away from her!) said Elizabeth "expressed how scary it was, when you can see that it's perhaps the end, to find a way to leave this world and go on to the next." In fact, Elizabeth had her bedroom redecorated recently, hoping that she would not succumb and would return home.

When she died, she was neither a glamorous movie star nor a goddess. She was surrounded by her children. She was a mom. Alright, then, a very, very famous mom.

Spring and Body Image

Spring is here (almost). My garden is a hubbub of activity, with birds chirping, bees buzzing, lizards scurrying and squirrels mating. I am looking forward to planting basil and lavender, various flowers, and perhaps a tomato plant or two. Last year, I planted a cherry tomato plant that grew like Jack in the Beanstalk. Literally, every day that thing was a foot taller!

I know, however, that for most women spring brings with it a mixed bag of feelings. There is a sense of optimism and anticipation that both longer days and warm temperatures bring. We get an urge to clean our house to the nth degree. Sweep away those spider webs! Wipe down those dusty drawers! We want to freshen up our closets, too, and buy a pretty dress or blouse. But most of all, come springtime, I know a mild sort of panic overtakes many women. For spring means there are only three months until summer. That means the cruel, evil, terrifying monster known as the BATHING SUIT comes out of hibernation. And with the demon bathing suit, we must reveal to the world what we've got. For many of us, this is a daunting thought. With spring, we suddenly find ourselves in a summer slim-down frenzy. I've been there, done that.

A few months ago I read Portia De Rossi's book, Unbearable Lightness, chronicling her behemoth struggle with anorexia and bulimia. She became so obsessed with her weight, for example, that one day after chewing a piece of gum, she started running crazily through a parking lot to burn off the "extra" calories. Basically, she lived off of a few bites of tuna, cigarettes, and butter spray. But Portia was one of the lucky ones. Finally, on the brink of self-destruction, she got a wake up call from her doctor, and began the climb back up to normal eating habits. She had a helpful girlfriend (this is her pre-Ellen days) who showed her how to eat when she was hungry, and stop when she was full. A simple concept when you think of it, but not so easy to embrace after years of self-imposed starvation. During her recovery, Portia discovered her set point weight that was a little more than she wanted, but she learned to accept it. Reading this book is like descending into a deep abyss. Portia isolated herself from friends, family, fun and food in order to achieve the thinness she believed would bring her happiness and success as an actress. Eventually, she awoke from this nightmare and accepted herself (and that included her sexuality, as well).

I know I will never be "skinny". Especially now, at 50 years old, as my metabolism has slowed down and I need to eat less and exercise more just to maintain my weight. There is always that extra ten pounds that seem to linger on my hips, as if to say, "Nah, nah, you can't get me!" This spring I have decided to take a different approach, however. I am using reverse psychology on myself by spending more of my energy simply appreciating what I have, rather than worrying about what I wish I looked like. You can't imagine how much time that frees up! Now, that doesn't mean I'm going to go cupcake crazy, either ('cause I love the cute little guys), or throw caution to the wind. My plan is to eat healthy, watch portion control, and exercise. I am opting for health and balance over anxiety and despair. We will see where that takes me and my shape! I will let you know!

I'll admit that I have yet to go swimsuit shopping this season! But I DO know that with all the suffering going on in the world, I feel it is more important to be grateful for what I have, even with my imperfections. In times like these, we have to keep our minor flaws in perspective. After all, spring is the epitome of abundance, beauty and awakening. Take care and enjoy the moment!

To Set Goals or Not to Set Goals...

Goals scare me. For some reason, the minute I set a big goal, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've bitten off more than I can chew. So let me clarify this: I used to set big goals, but not anymore. Nowadays, I set bite sized goals and go from there.

For instance, this blog was a little itty bitty goal about two years ago. I started with a blog once a month or so. Then I stopped. Completely. Then I decided last year to try and blog "more often." That was my so called "big goal." It worked, because I did write a little more consistently than the previous year. Somewhere in the middle of last year I realized that I really enjoyed this blog stuff, and I increased my output. By and large, I try to write once a week now, give or take. Some months are more hectic than others. I don't stress about not writing. I know deep down I'll make up for the lost time. I guess I'm more relaxed about blogging now because I conquered my fear of actually achieving my goal! Am I too complicated? Probably. But I am not alone.

About a month ago I was watching the TV show, What Not To Wear. I'm not a big TV watcher, but I stumbled upon this episode and felt instant kismet with that week's makeover subject. Her name was Angie, and she was a young mother who had met two HUGE goals: she lost 35 pounds and quit smoking! Yay, Angie! However, Angie was in a dilemma. Her clothes, her hair, her whole style was off. She couldn't figure out what to do. Here she had conquered two mega goals, and she was at a loss about what next to do with herself.

Quite simply, Angie had post goal traumatic stress syndrome (a new term I've invented for this blog) or PGTS. PGTS happens when a person meets (or exceeds) her initial goal and then freaks out. Angie's problem was that prior to meeting her goals, she was a party girl with a fun social life. That social life entailed playing pool, eating, drinking and you guessed it, smoking. Because she was a young mom, she finally realized that her party life was not healthy, and she wanted to make better choices and to be a better person. Awesome! But when she reached her goals, she missed her old party self. She mourned the life that the old party Angie had, even though she knew inside that she was doing the right thing.

Throughout the show, hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly brought up the idea that Angie was dressing like a "sad mommy" and kept her old clothes because she was afraid to let go of her old fun loving self. Angie wept, too, saying "I don't know who I am." Meeting her goals had put Angie in PGTS because she felt a loss of identity. I'm sure many women can relate to Angie's story in one way or another. When our lives transition from one "role" (party girl to mom, or single woman to married, married woman to divorced, or stay-at-home mom to working woman) it is normal to feel sadness. In Angie's case, even losing weight and a bad habit created havoc in her equilibrium. Like I mentioned earlier, meeting goals scares me and now I know why: because it heralds change. And change, albeit a good thing most of the time, is scary!

How did Angie transcend her sad mommy exterior? With the right hair style (shorter, darker), makeup (more of it) and new, hip clothes that reflected a "happy, successful" mom. Certainly, Angie had to step up to the plate and decide that she was ready to embody her pretty exterior. She could go out and have fun, work at an office, and still be a wonderful mom. Many times our outer self -- how we look -- has to express what we are not quite ready to feel inside. If we dress or act the part, sooner or later, our fears and/or doubts subside and we can transform into the butterfly we are meant to be.

Still, goals scare me. But then again, what would life be without them? And being afraid of accomplishing things is no excuse not to pursue our dreams and desires. I'm hoping the "new" Angie has mourned her old self and taken firm root in her healthier, more stable self. I found a lot of inspiration from her story. The cautionary tale is there, though: be ready to accept the goals you achieve, and be especially willing to enjoy your victories!

What works for me is making step-by-step goals so I can enjoy mini-wins along the way. Didn't someone (who I don't know) say it is the journey that counts more than arriving at the destination?

Now go ahead and make those goals and enjoy the climb!!!