To Set Goals or Not to Set Goals...

Goals scare me. For some reason, the minute I set a big goal, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've bitten off more than I can chew. So let me clarify this: I used to set big goals, but not anymore. Nowadays, I set bite sized goals and go from there.

For instance, this blog was a little itty bitty goal about two years ago. I started with a blog once a month or so. Then I stopped. Completely. Then I decided last year to try and blog "more often." That was my so called "big goal." It worked, because I did write a little more consistently than the previous year. Somewhere in the middle of last year I realized that I really enjoyed this blog stuff, and I increased my output. By and large, I try to write once a week now, give or take. Some months are more hectic than others. I don't stress about not writing. I know deep down I'll make up for the lost time. I guess I'm more relaxed about blogging now because I conquered my fear of actually achieving my goal! Am I too complicated? Probably. But I am not alone.

About a month ago I was watching the TV show, What Not To Wear. I'm not a big TV watcher, but I stumbled upon this episode and felt instant kismet with that week's makeover subject. Her name was Angie, and she was a young mother who had met two HUGE goals: she lost 35 pounds and quit smoking! Yay, Angie! However, Angie was in a dilemma. Her clothes, her hair, her whole style was off. She couldn't figure out what to do. Here she had conquered two mega goals, and she was at a loss about what next to do with herself.

Quite simply, Angie had post goal traumatic stress syndrome (a new term I've invented for this blog) or PGTS. PGTS happens when a person meets (or exceeds) her initial goal and then freaks out. Angie's problem was that prior to meeting her goals, she was a party girl with a fun social life. That social life entailed playing pool, eating, drinking and you guessed it, smoking. Because she was a young mom, she finally realized that her party life was not healthy, and she wanted to make better choices and to be a better person. Awesome! But when she reached her goals, she missed her old party self. She mourned the life that the old party Angie had, even though she knew inside that she was doing the right thing.

Throughout the show, hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly brought up the idea that Angie was dressing like a "sad mommy" and kept her old clothes because she was afraid to let go of her old fun loving self. Angie wept, too, saying "I don't know who I am." Meeting her goals had put Angie in PGTS because she felt a loss of identity. I'm sure many women can relate to Angie's story in one way or another. When our lives transition from one "role" (party girl to mom, or single woman to married, married woman to divorced, or stay-at-home mom to working woman) it is normal to feel sadness. In Angie's case, even losing weight and a bad habit created havoc in her equilibrium. Like I mentioned earlier, meeting goals scares me and now I know why: because it heralds change. And change, albeit a good thing most of the time, is scary!

How did Angie transcend her sad mommy exterior? With the right hair style (shorter, darker), makeup (more of it) and new, hip clothes that reflected a "happy, successful" mom. Certainly, Angie had to step up to the plate and decide that she was ready to embody her pretty exterior. She could go out and have fun, work at an office, and still be a wonderful mom. Many times our outer self -- how we look -- has to express what we are not quite ready to feel inside. If we dress or act the part, sooner or later, our fears and/or doubts subside and we can transform into the butterfly we are meant to be.

Still, goals scare me. But then again, what would life be without them? And being afraid of accomplishing things is no excuse not to pursue our dreams and desires. I'm hoping the "new" Angie has mourned her old self and taken firm root in her healthier, more stable self. I found a lot of inspiration from her story. The cautionary tale is there, though: be ready to accept the goals you achieve, and be especially willing to enjoy your victories!

What works for me is making step-by-step goals so I can enjoy mini-wins along the way. Didn't someone (who I don't know) say it is the journey that counts more than arriving at the destination?

Now go ahead and make those goals and enjoy the climb!!!