What Women Want From Men

The other day while spring cleaning, I stumbled on a little book a friend had given me a few years ago titled, "Porn For Women." Nice title, eh? It is actually a tongue in cheek look at what women really want from men (and according to the authors, a lot of time it is NOT just hanky panky).

For example, the book has young, attractive men (some without shirts, some fully clothed) posing next to various sayings such as, "You look stressed. Let me make you some tea and we can talk about it. Chamomile OK?" One photo shows a shirtless dude vacuuming with these words, "I love a clean house." One of my favorites shows a young man holding a luscious slice of chocolate cake with this statement, "Have another piece of cake. I don't like you looking so thin." So is this really porn for women?

After much discussion with my women friends, having a man who likes to shop, cook, clean and be sensitive to ALL our needs is definitely porn. Looks have nothing to do with it! My husband will diligently clean, fix things around the house, do laundry, etc. He is the breadwinner, but not the cook. When I hear stories from other women about how their husbands make them a meal, any meal at all, my mouth waters. I would DIE to have home cooked food waiting for me after a long day of work (or a long day of play, for that matter). Is "Porn for Women" saying that women want men who act like wives?

I have always thought though, that the differences between the sexes are what make life interesting, albeit complicated and frustrating at times. But one thing I have learned over the years is how important it is to ask for what I want/need in a polite way. Men don't read minds; sometimes all we need to do is speak up. I have another book called "Mama Gena's Book of Womanly Arts" (yes, that is the title!) and Mama Gena is a definite advocate of gentle assertiveness. Her premise is that women are divine goddesses and men WANT to give them all they desire--with the one caveat that men sometimes need a little prompting. Mama Gena believes that life should be pleasurable, and that too often we stifle our needs because we have been taught to be good girls.

Bad girls unite!

I will close with this little story. One time a coworker was bragging about how he showered his wife with flowers, dinner, etc. for her birthday. I told him how impressed I was with his display of affection. As a joke, I added, "She's trained you well." Boy, oh, boy, did this man blow up at me! His face got red and he said angrily, "Men don't need to be trained! We are not idiots!" Or something like that...at any rate, he took my comment as a deep offense. After that nasty exchange, I kept my distance from this guy. A few years later, I heard that he had gotten a divorce. Go figure. Perhaps all his gifts did not disguise a bad temper.

Perhaps what the book "Porn For Women" is advocating is how acts of kindness and tenderness can go a long way in a relationship. Certainly, that goes both ways, too! What man would want to be married to a drop-dead, gorgeous woman who was mean spirited and self-centered? (Okay, maybe a few men wouldn't mind...)

Indeed, porn is in the eye of the beholder.