When I was only ten years old a movie came out that made more women cry than a barrel full of chopped onions: Love Story. Starring Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw, Love Story brought us the famous line, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." It was the BIG romantic story of a generation, and considered one of the most romantic films of all time by the American Film Institute (#9 on the list!). Even the book by Erich Segal was a bestseller.
Sadly, when I mention that movie now to any one of my friends under forty years old, they give me a glassy-eyed stare and say, "Who was in that?" One of my dear (young) friends said, "Oh, yeah, that is my Grandma Mimi's favorite movie." Aha! I am in with the grandmas (a recurring theme in my life, so it seems).
When I first saw Love Story I had no idea what the fuss was all about. I mean, a ten year old watching a movie about adult love and loss? I don't even remember who I was with (a friend? my mother? I know it couldn't have been my brothers!) I do remember, however, that I saw it in one of those lovely, historic theaters in Westwood that was built before multi-plexes took over the planet. After the film I was in the bathroom, and ALL the women were crying. I am talking about a major tear fest! Sob city! Back then, I just looked around at all the Kleenex and red eyes in a childish stupor.
Just the other day I put myself to the Love Story test and watched the film again. Nearly forty years later, I had a totally different viewing experience. Savvy film goers today would find many aspects of the film dated. However, I was caught up in the story of Oliver and Jennifer, both Ivy Leaguers (one wealthy, one poor) who come together despite the obstacles. Oliver's relationship with his millionare father is also a "love story" in and of itself. By the film's end, there I was, just me and my DVD, tears and Kleenex. I had been moved just as women had before me many moons ago. That is the power of a love story!
Love Story was nominated for seven Academy Awards, and won for only one, Best Music -- Original Score. Which is interesting, since at the end of the film, as I was weeping away in the living room, my eighteen year old son comes into the kitchen rummaging for food (as usual) and upon hearing the title song, "Where Do I Begin?" says, "Oh, yeah, I've heard that song before!" Okay, so at least someone younger than forty knows the music! Yeah!
Now about that famous line, "love means never having to say you're sorry." Well, it has been my experience in the reverse, that it is actually very important to be able to say you're sorry. Just hearing those words after a dispute, whether the argument is big or small, seems to send a soothing balm over the anger that unfortunately erupted. Or sometimes I find myself saying it to my children when I have been short tempered or over reactive to one thing or another. Saying "sorry" along with a reassuring hug and kiss is an effective diffuser in my house.
In the bigger picture, however, love should transcend petty arguments and disagreements not only between couples, but amongst family members as well, and that was the message offered in the film. After awhile, it is best (and healthier for our spirits) to let go of a grudge whether sorry has been said or not. Forgiveness is an admirable quality, indeed, and often so difficult that it should be considered a skill set. Time, maturity and perspective go a long way towards letting go of hurt. Sometimes, too, it is best to forget figuring out why someone said or did something, but to finally admit to ourselves that some actions are inexplicable. This is what I think is meant by unconditional love.
I might revise that famous Love Story phrase with, "Love means having to say...whatever!" This Valentine's Day is as good a day as any to hug and kiss our loved ones and say "I Love You," and then think calmly to ourselves, "no matter what."
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